advice column: keepin' bitches happy

hubs asked:

how can I keep my girlfriend happy?

hubs, i've been thinking about this one for several days now. i almost decided to not touch it with a ten-foot pole, but i have to stay true to my following, so i will attempt to help you out on this one. keep in mind, however, i don't know your girlfriend, and every girls' needs are (somewhat) different. but i've decided to sum up the basics that work for me.

be romantic-though it need not be all the time or even require huge expenses (gifts from the heart, man, gifts from the heart).
be good in the sack-no girl, and i mean no girl, wants dull, always-the-same sex. re: foreplay. try new things. find the shit that makes her swoon and do that. a lot.
be a good listener-citymen, lend us your ears. you've probably noticed, most girls like to yak. and they like to talk about feelings and shit. just listen. you don't necessarily have to agree (although it helps).
be adventurous-don't be afraid to try new things, go to new places. mix it up, yo.
be sporadic-this one paired with the romantic one works well. combined with the good sex one. sporadically romantic in bed. i like it.
be honest-don't lie. ever. it's easier to deal with something you've done that i don't like than to deal with you lying about it. it brings up all kinds of trust issues and complications, and trust takes too long to build back.

there's your list. you can adjust it to fit your particular situation. girls out there, feel free to add/modify.
i hope this helps. one last thing, though. if your girl is generally unhappy or just impossible to please, can the bitch and move onto someone who requires less maintenance. those types of girls are not worth it.

i still need more questions from the audience!!!!!